


First Try, Last Attempt

by NovaKnifu



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Angst, Depression, Despair, Drug Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, Leon-Centered, Suicide Attempt, everybody tries their best to help, leon FUCKS up, leon is fucked up, maizono tries her best, mega angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-11-04 16:33:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17901629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NovaKnifu/pseuds/NovaKnifu
Summary: Leon Kuwata was hiding something, and his friends wouldn’t realize until it was too late.AKA Leon Kuwata fucks up.





	1. Kuwata’s Week

**Author's Note:**

> Welp. HAve fun.

Monday, 6:34 AM  
Leon gets out of bed, yawning. He is not looking forward to today.

Monday, 7:16 AM  
Leon is chatting with Maizono and Yasuhiro before school. He’s not as energetic today. They don’t notice.

Monday, 8:26 AM  
Leon zones out in class. He doesn’t care enough to pay attention at this point.

Monday, 9:48 AM  
Another teacher nags him about baseball. He doesn’t feel like arguing back today.

Monday, 11:29 AM.  
Leon eats lunch with Naegi, Sayaka, Yasuhiro, Asahina, Mondo, and Ishimaru. He lets them do most of the talking. They have a nice conversation without him. He was staring at his food most of the time anyways. Hina asks if “he’s gonna eat all of that”. He says no.

Monday, 12:02 PM  
Leon skips class to get high in the bathroom. It helps a little.

Monday, 2:45 PM  
School is over for the day. Leon heads to his dorm. He goes to sleep, of course.

Monday, 8:39 PM  
Leon wakes up from his nap, looking at the time. He checks his phone.  
[Sayaka 5:55 PM: I noticed you weren’t at dinner. I hope you don’t have too much homework! Don’t forget to eat. <3!!]  
Yeah...he wasn’t gonna bother eating now. He went back to sleep. He was so tired.

Tuesday, 3:29 AM  
Leon wakes up in the middle of the night. He decides to stay up. He can’t fall back asleep after sleeping all day.

Tuesday, 5:26 AM  
Leon takes a couple of pills. They’ll cure the problem for sure.

Tuesday, 6:58 AM  
Leon has a breakdown in his dorm and breaks a mirror with his fist. His hand bleeds. He wraps his hands in bandages.

Tuesday, 7:34 AM  
Maizono asks if Leon is doing okay. He says of course, why wouldn’t he be? She says it looks like he’d been crying. He just laughs it off. 

Tuesday, 9:34 AM  
Leon passes notes with Chihiro during class. It makes him feel just a little better.

Tuesday, 10:29 AM  
Leon eats lunch with Chihiro. Chihiro rants about people not taking him seriously. Leon nods and listens. He doesn’t eat today, either. Chihiro gives him a piece of bread from his lunch. Leon couldn’t decline, eating the piece. He wanted to throw up.

Tuesday, 11:50 AM  
Leon falls asleep in class. He’s scolded by the teacher. He just rolls his eyes. 

Tuesday, 1:34 PM  
Leon plays Rock Paper Scissors with Hifumi in the back of the class. It’s very intense.

Tuesday, 2:02 PM  
Celeste tells Hifumi and Leon to knock off the Rock Paper Scissors. They continue to do it anyway. It’s the highlight of Leon’s day.

Tuesday, 3:52 PM  
Junko messages Leon to tell him he’s been acting strange. Leon acts surprised.

Tuesday, 5:28 PM  
Leon skips dinner.

Tuesday, 8:37 PM  
Leon falls asleep watching some random videos on YouTube.

Wednesday, 2:40 AM  
Leon wakes up in the middle of the night and has a panic attack over being a failure. A stupid, worthless failure who’s only disappointing everyone. He is unable to go back to sleep.

Wednesday, 4:11 AM  
Leon finally finishes sobbing.

Wednesday, 7:24 AM  
Leon doesn’t talk to anyone before school.  
Sakura asks if he’s feeling alright, and only responds with a low “yeah.”

Wednesday, 8:35 AM  
Leon feels unmotivated to do any work.

Wednesday, 10:11 AM.  
Chihiro passes a note to Leon to ask if he’s okay. Leon writes that he’s just feeling a bit sick. That’s all it is.  
He didn’t want anyone to catch on, after all. 

Wednesday, 11:30 AM  
Leon skips lunch.

Wednesday, 1:20 PM  
Leon skips class too.

Wednesday, 3:29 PM  
Mukuro visits Leon in his dorm to make sure everything is okay. Leon tells her that he’s just feeling a bit sick. She asks if that’s why he has a bunch of pill bottles on his bedside table. He lies and says yes. 

Wednesday, 6:39 PM  
Celeste invites Leon to a game of cards. He declines, of course. He goes to sleep instead.

Wednesday, 11:45 PM  
Leon wakes up from a nightmare. He just can’t do this anymore.

Thursday, 7:13 AM  
Leon forces himself to get out of bed. If he doesn’t go today, they’ll all know somethings wrong. He cant burden them with his worthless problems.

Thursday, 8:47 AM  
Leon hasn’t said a word all morning. 

Thursday, 9:36 AM  
Byakuya tells Leon to snap out of his “strange behavioral changes”. Leon says he has no idea what he means.

Thursday, 10:32 AM  
Everybody seems to be sitting together at lunch. Leon decides it would be suspicious not to join them. He sits at the end, next to Kyoko.  
They seem to all be having a good time. Toko mentions something about a new story she’s writing. Leon really wasn’t paying much attention, though.   
“K-Kuwata, why aren’t y-you talking...? I-is it because you th-think my story is b-boring...?” Toko stutters.  
“No...! that’s not it...” Leon responds.

“Why aren’t you talking, then? You’re usually always so into our lunch conversations!” Hina asks.  
“I’m just...not feeling well. That’s all.”  
“Are you sure about that?” Makoto questions.  
“I’m sure.”  
“I think he is lying, yes?” Celeste chirped.  
“I agree.” Kyoko adds in.  
“Would you all just get off my asses?!” He bursts.  
Everyone stares at him.  
“God I-...I’m sorry.”  
Soon enough their conversation seemed to move on, leaving Leon alone.  
“I just can’t do this anymore.” He softly said.  
They didn’t hear him.  
He got up and left before they could notice the tears.  
“Leon, where are you going...?” Maizono yells out. But it was too late. He was gone yet again.

Thursday, 6:27 PM  
Leon had already cried himself to sleep, of course. He was already getting a couple of messages from concerned friends.  
[Sayaka: Leon? You’ve been acting really off this week. Please, please talk to me.]  
[Hifumi: if ur feeling down I can always bring over some cute animes to watch ówò;;]  
[Mondo: I WILL SEND YOU MEMES IF YOU’RE SAD GOD DAMMIT]  
[Ishimaru: If you are feeling depressed, remember to always talk to an adult or a trusted friend about your situation! You are not alone, Kuwata!]  
These messages would not help, of course. He was too far deep for comfort now.

Thursday, 10:34 PM  
He woke up again, tears already in his eyes.  
He couldn’t do it.  
He couldn’t do it.  
He couldn’t do it.  
He couldn’t he couldn’t he couldn’t he couldn’t He couldn’t he couldn’t he couldn’t he couldn’t.


	2. First Try

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Goodbye.

He just couldn’t do it.  
He had felt like this for way too long. Everyday it just hurt more and more. This despair was slowly breaking Leon Kuwata. And he couldn’t do it anymore.  
He could barely breathe over his own sobs, pulling at his hair and scratching at his skin. He felt so worthless. He felt so disgusting. He couldn’t live in a world where he did not fit.   
They would all be better off without him anyways. One less burden to worry about. 

He knew what he had to do. He had to escape. Somehow, he had to get out of this hell. This hell that makes every day a nightmare. This hell where his sanity is draining along with his health.  
Leon was going to kill himself. There was a bottle of pain pills on his bedside table. He was going to take them all, and it would finally be all over.  
Finally.

...

It felt wrong. He had to say goodbye. He had to say goodbye to the people who made it more bearable to be alive. The people who gave him the hope to keep living. They deserved one last message from him.

Leon pulled out his notebook, tears still streaming down his face. This was the notebook he used to write so many dumb songs he would never show anyone. He started with Makoto. He tried so hard not to seem weak, but it was impossible. After all, he was about to die.He felt more and more of his energy draining as he wrote those notes. The memories he made with his best friends were now coming to a close. He hoped...they wouldn’t be too sad. He didn’t want to be forgotten...but he didn’t want to be remembered, either. He just wanted to be gone. Gone forever, away from the pain. Away from...everything. Death was such a foreign yet familiar concept to him. It was always lingering in the back of his mind, but the thought of never coming back scared him. But...he had to go through with it. He couldn’t do this.  
Not anymore.

Chihiro, Mondo, Kiyotaka, Toko...with so little words, he tried to pour his heart out. He didn’t really know what to say. He didn’t want to go on forever. Just...a few sentences would do. A final goodbye, a final message.   
Kyoko, Asahina, Sakura, Hifumi...  
He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know how to say goodbye. He hasn’t prepared, and he honestly wasn’t ready. But he knew it was time. No more stalling. Just say goodbye and leave. He loved them all so much. He hoped he could convey that.

Celeste, Byakuya, Mukuro, Yasuhiro...  
He was running out of words. He was running out of energy. He was so tired. So...so tired. It would all be over soon. Goodbye.

 

Junko...  
He had to tell her what he knew.  
Goodbye.

Sayaka. Sayaka Maizono.   
There was so much. So so much he wanted to say to her. He loved her. He loved her so much. He wanted to say goodbye in person, maybe even kiss her...but he couldn’t.   
Note after note after note after note...  
He tried to express everything. Scrapped note after scrapped note after scrapped note...he poured the rest of his energy into telling Sayaka what he wanted to tell her for so long.  
He finally came up with a final draft.  
It’s almost over.

It was almost 2 AM. Everyone was sound asleep. He muffled his sobs and slid the notes under his best friends doors. This was goodbye.  
This was it.   
The end of the road.  
His final strike.  
This would be Leon Kuwata’s first loss.

He went back to his room, shutting his door.   
Goodbye.  
And just like that, the entire bottle of pills were empty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha yeah


	3. Life Letters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They read what he has to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter couldn’t be have been written without my friend, Ewin, who wrote the rough draft for this! Huge thanks! Please enjoy the chapter!

Everything was so quiet...too quiet, Sayaka thought. One thing had been on her mind and hadn't left since the moment she had woken up: Leon Kuwata. An anxious pit remained in her stomach, and would not leave until she had made sure her dear friend was okay.  
It was 6:45 AM, and Sayaka was exhausted. Although she had plans to go to Leon's room before breakfast, Makoto quickly dragged her along with him, making her worry grow.  
As she had feared, one student was missing from the breakfast table, and of course that student was none other than the baseball star himself. However, this was not an ordinary breakfast. Everyone had nervous expressions on their faces, and the entire dining hall was filled with nothing but a heavy, looming sense of dread. Even Celeste's calm demeanor seemed a little more false than usual.  
Nobody was speaking. There was nothing but a deafening silence for a good thirty seconds before Taka took charge, as usual.

"Listen up!" he began with a strong tone. "We have all received these ominous messages, and have agreed to read them all together!”

Sayaka froze and looked around. Everyone else had bloody notebook paper with little messages Did she even get a note? She was in such a hurry that she had forgotten. She raised her hand and quietly explained, "U-uh, Kiyotaka, I don't have one... I might have missed it on my way to the dining hall..." She looked to the floor. "I-I'll go look! You guys can start without me!"  
Before anyone could respond, she dashed out of the dining hall and straight for her room, tackling her door and frantically searching her floor. Finally, she came across a neat, little white envelope with a heart sticker. She ignored the dashes of bloody fingerprints that laced the sides of it. She slowly flipped it over, where her first name had been sloppily written in what seemed to be faded, blue ink.  
Completely ignoring the fact that everyone else had gotten a letter and wanted to read them together, Sayaka carefully tried to open her note without tearing the neat envelope, however, she ended up tearing the heart sticker down the middle, as a result of her shaky hands. Her heart pounded out of her chest as she slowly pulled out the envelope's contents. What was waiting for her...  
...was truly horrifying.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Makoto Naegi took a deep breath. "W-well," he trembled. He paused for a moment before beginning once again. "Since Sayaka is absent, I will read mine f-first. I hope this is just some...joke.” Lifting his note, his heart ached. No part of him wanted to even skim a single word on a paper that had blood on it. The more his hands shook, the more the paper wrinkled, and the faint ink became even more illegible. He opened his mouth, and the words barely escaped his mouth as he slowly read what he could.  
"'Hey Makoto, 

This is a bit unexpected, but I would like to say thank you.  
Thank you, for everything you ever did  
I always enjoyed being around you. Your positive attitude never failed to make me smile  
Thank you for never losing hope in me  
I’m sorry'"

Before Makoto knew it, his eyes had been filled with tears. He hadn't even looked at the signature, yet he already knew who had written it. He quietly looked down to the very bottom of the note. It read the full name of the Ultimate Baseball Star, Leon. "Leon Kuwata." He looked up to his friends' faces, to see nothing but utter horror and shock. Chihiro had been clinging onto Mondo, who was shaking violently, his hand clutched into a fist.  
“I-I don’t...I don’t understand...” Makoto stammered.  
Taka's usual perked up and ready stance was lowered, and he seemed genuinely terrified, with tears streaming down his cheeks. He had figured what the notes were. Everyone did, yet he denied it. During the silence, Taka wiped his face weakly shouted, "I will read mine next!" He tried to remain confident in his leadership skills, but he couldn't. It was impossible. The words on that page were just too strong. He gripped his note and read loud and clear,  
"'Kiyotaka. 

I never thought I would had to thank you. You never wanted me or others to break the rules, you said that you would always be a good example and never do anything that you considered bad. There were moments when you did break those rules. There were moments where you put those rules aside just to have fun with me. I appreciate that. I always did. Thank you. 

Leon Kuwata'"

As expected, waterfalls poured from Taka's eyes. He choked on his tears and clutched his hair. "K-Kuwata, what is this-?! This can’t be-!!” 

Chihiro let go of Mondo, wiping tears from his eyes. "O-Okay,...I guess I'll read m-mine, then." He trembled as he struggled to keep a balanced posture, but he managed. He managed for Leon. With a breath, he began reading. "H-here goes..."  
"'Dear Chihiro, 

I have always admired you and your knowledge  
I always wished i could be as talented as you are, but I was always stuck with being unmotivated  
Never give up  
I’ll always be there to support you, even if I’m not actually here 

Leon Kuwata'"

He held the note close to his chest and sobbed quietly. "Wh-why, Leon?" He gasped for air. "Why!?" The students gave him a moment to relax before he said, "I won't give up, L-Leon...F-for you..." This couldn’t be real. This...this couldn’t be what they thought it was. The thought was in all of their minds, and it was truly horrifying.

The students were becoming antsy, ready to book it and reach where Leon was, but something stopped them. The fear of seeing the truth stopped them. Mondo was next in line to read his note.  
"Let's just get this shit over with..." he began with a low tone. "Leon, what do you got for good ol' Owada, hm?" He sounded calm, but under that calm tone, was fear.  
"'Mondo. 

There were moments where I just wanted to be carefree. You helped me with that  
Even though we aren’t that close, I always liked being around you. I never had to worry about anything. Ever.  
You’re an amazing person, despite your aggressive look. More people need to realize that  
I hope the absolute best for you. 

Leon Kuwata'"

He had been rendered speechless by Leon's kind words. He didn't get a chance to say a word before Hifumi quickly stepped in with his note.

"Okay, everyone, it appears I also have a note!" Hifumi started, semi-happily. "And now for the grand reveal...the climax-!"  
"'Dear Hifumi 

Most of the time, I wasn’t paying attention to what you were showing me. I regret that. All of your work is interesting. I can see you spent time on developing your talent.  
You always tried to cheer me up with things that made you happy. It was nice to know that you’d always be there for me  
I’m sorry I could never do something in return 

Leon Kuwata'"

Hifumi, as well, was speechless. Tears fell from his eyes. "Th-thank you!" he cried.

"I suppose it's my turn," Kyoko said calmly. She tried her best to read her note, but the fact her whole name was printed kept her from doing so.  
"'Kyoko. Kyoko Kirigiri.

You’re one of the people that inspire me the most. The way that you manage to be so good at your talent. Your determination for anything. You as a person. You’re a great leader, and a huge inspiration to me. I wish I could’ve told you that earlier.

Leon Kuwata'"

She didn't say a word before ordering Sakura to read hers. Kyoko kept to herself for the rest of the time.

Sakura sighed. "If I must...  
'Dear Sakura 

We rarely got to do things together. I wish I could change that. You seem like a really interesting person and I fully support anything you want to do.  
Take care of everyone for me. Take care of Aoi.  
I’m sorry 

Leon Kuwata.' Wow...I never knew he thought so kindly of me." She spoke, her voice cracking under the pressure.

Aoi grabbed onto Sakura, hugging her tight. She peeped at her letter and covered her mouth. She cried, and cried, and Sakura tried her best to comfort her. As she collected herself, she tried to read her letter. "H-here goes!

'Dear Aoi 

I loved hearing you talk about your interests. You’re a great friend who always tried to make sure others wouldn’t get bored. I know you can eventually reach anything you want. I know it’ll work out. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Believe in yourself just as you believed in me. 

Leon Kuwata.' Ooh no-hoho!!!" She continued to sob, as she hugged Sakura. "I should've talked to him more, Sakura!!"  
Sakura smiled. "Me too, Asahina. Please gather yourself," she coaxed.  
"You're right...” She gulped.

Mondo growled. “Stop talkin’ about him likes he’s dead!”  
Celeste giggled and pulled out her letter. "Alright, it is my turn, yes? I shall begin reading...  
'Celeste 

We never really talked, but we did have some moments together. Wasting time together with you was nice 

Leon Kuwata'. Oh, my! How unfortunate this is. It seems he enjoyed my company. I am glad to see I was able to waste someone's time." She continued to giggle as she set her note down on the table and walked toward the refreshment stand and began to make herself some tea, as if nothing had happened.

"What a woman," Byakuya snarkily remarked. "I will read mine next. It appears to be short. This better be good."  
"'Byakuya 

You were right. You were right all this time. I’m sorry 

Leon Kuwata.' What a low-life. Of course I was right."

Yashiro kicked Byakuya in the shin. He quietly told him, "C'mon man, chill out with your narcissism, would ya? You made him feel terrible, dude..."  
"Fine, then, Hiro. Read yours to the class."  
"Err..." Hiro couldn't find the right words. Leon was such a close friend of his.

With a sigh, Yasuhiro gripped his hair and began reading.  
"'Dear Yasuhiro 

I’ll miss smoking with you. One of the few things that could distract me properly.  
You still owe me money, but you can keep it. I won't be needing it anymore. Not after now.

Leon Kuwata.' I don't know how to respond to this, man... I'm gonna sit down and be quiet for now. I need a moment." Yasuhiro did as he claimed and sat down. For once, his expression was...blank. Suddenly, an unexpected voice spoke up.

"I-I have a note too." Everyone turned to look at the voice. The owner of the voice was the normally quiet Mukuro Ikusaba, who seemed a little worried. "It just says...my name, and...God, he lied." She paused, as if recalling a memory. "He told me that the pills by his bedside were pain pills, but the note says, 'it wasn't medicine. I'm sorry.' I hope he's alright..."  
Everyone stared at Mukuro as the tension in the room continued to grow. Every letter just seemed to confirm their suspicions more and more. Guilt welled up within each one of them. They were all thinking the same thing. “I could have helped him.”

Junko wrapped an arm around her older sister, holding her note in front of Mukuro. “‘I’m glad I never fell for your tricks. Shove that despair up your ass.' So painful, yet so amazing!" She whispered with excitement in her voice, irritating Mukuro to the point where she didn't even want to be around her sister. “My note is...too personal to share.” Junko lied, a saddened expression glooming over her usually bright face. Mukuro didn’t have the energy to object. She simply nodded, yet again allowing her sister to involve her in her despair-inducing tricks.

Toko spoke up, stuttering, "I-I s-still have to read...m-mine!"  
"'Toko 

I b-bet you’ve been in a s-similar situation. S-Stay strong, s-since I couldn’t 

Leon K-K-Kuwata...' I'll...b-be sure to stay...s-strong. That's n-nice...of him t-to say...I g-guess he really did f-find my story interest-ting...”

Kyoko finally spoke up attentively, "I believe Leon is in Danger, and we should check on him immediately-"

"I'm sure he's fine!!" Taka blurted. "H-he’s probably just being thankful! That’s all this is, no need to worry!"

Mondo laid a hand on his friend's shoulder. "Dude," he said quietly, "it's okay. We'll go together." Taka simply stood in denial.  
“N-no...it can’t...it can’t be real...!”

 

After a bit of convincing, everyone agreed to head to Leon's room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pounding on the door to Leon's room, Sayaka refused to give up. 

*Bang*...

*Bang* ...

No luck. Perhaps she could lockpick the door, she thought. Removing one of her small, white hair pins, she struggled to keep her balance. She sloppily forced the pin into the lock, trying her best to find the right spot. However, due to her speed, it did not take her long to find it. The door clicked open and Sayaka fell through the doorway, falling onto the dirty floor of Leon's room. Looking to the floor, Sayaka pushed herself up onto her feet once more, balancing herself on a dresser before snapping back to reality. She looked up.

For a moment, it was as if time had seemed to freeze.  
Sayaka couldn't comprehend what she was looking at.

...

She was looking at what appeared to be the cold, limp corpse of the Ultimate Baseball Star, Leon Kuwata, in a pool of his own blood.  
Without thinking, Sayaka's feet moved on their own. She sprinted towards Leon's body, quickly lifting his back. Blood had been dried on his mouth and had stained his clothes, but no other external wounds could be seen. However, about a foot away on the ground, lay an empty bottle of pain pills.  
Sayaka's eyes could not yet process what they were seeing. She had no choice but to scream. She screamed through tears again and again and again.  
"LEON!!! LEON!!!"

Again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

...

No signs of life.

...

The sound of the footsteps of the 14 other students grew closer as Sayaka continued to shake Leon's body, in hopes he would awake...

But to no avail.

The first voice Sayaka heard belonged to Taka, who had not reached the room yet, but was rather chanting "I'm not afraid! I'm not a pussy!" out loud. Mondo could be heard behind him trying to quiet him. The chanting stopped once they actually reached Leon's room.

Staring down at Leon's blank expression, Sayaka cried as she held him close to her chest, as if holding him near her heart. The moment was interrupted by all of the screaming from the students. 

"Y...you've got to be kiddin' me!" Mondo shouted, shielding Taka's eyes.  
"What is it, bro?"  
"Don't look!"  
"AAAAARGH!!!! H-He's just sleeping!!!" Taka screamed, looking.

The students caused an uproar, all of them screaming and in a state of panic and terror. 

"...Wait," Kyoko said quietly under all of the ruckus, "check for a pulse. He may just have passed out, or gone into a coma."  
Now filled with hope, Sayaka felt Leon's wrist for a pulse, but her hands had been too shaky. "U-um, Kyoko..." she whispered, "Can you...check for me?" She wiped away her tears.  
"Of course." Kyoko approached Leon and Sayaka, bending down and feeling Leon's wrist for a pulse.

...

"I feel it," Kyoko exclaimed, looking to Sayaka.  
Sayaka froze. "You mean..?"  
"He's still alive. He needs medical attention immediately."  
Sayaka looked at Kyoko, then to Leon, and then to the bottle of empty pills. She looked back to Leon.

“Why's this happening? Why him? Why now? Why didn’t we notice before...?  
Leon, please...  
Please wake up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha rekt


	4. Stay with me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leon wakes up.

Leon woke up to the sound of a heart monitor. Everything in his body hurt, and he wasn’t exactly sure where he was. He didn’t have the energy to open his eyes yet.  
Was he in...a hospital? That would explain the heart monitor, and the pain. He shifted slightly, feeling the wires and IVs connected to his wrists and arms.   
How did he end up here...?   
Oh.  
Oh yeah.  
He...he tried to off himself, didn’t he? It...it must have not worked. He couldn’t even kill himself right, he thought.

“L-Leon...? Are...Are you awake?” A soft, familiar voice rang out.

Leon groaned in response.

“I think he’s waking up...” Another familiar voice softly spoke.

Leon slowly sat up, gripping his head. He opened his silver blue eyes, confirming his hospital suspicions. He was surrounded by the other 15 members of class 78. They mostly all had the same, guilt ridden, concerned expression.

Leon couldn’t help but immediately tear up, gripping the hospital bed sheets.  
Sayaka almost instantly pulled him into a light hug, burying her face into his shoulder. He closed his eyes and hugged her back. Sayaka began to hysterically sob, clinging onto the man she almost lost.  
Leon wanted to stay like that forever. Holding her like this felt kinda nice. He just wished it was under a different circumstance.  
Leon could only choke out an “I’m sorry” before sobbing himself.  
When they both slowly pulled away from the hug, Leon noticed how tired Sayaka looked. How long had they been here...? God, he wondered what could be going on in their heads right now.   
Sayaka weakly smiled at Leon, wiping the tears and snot from her face.  
“I’m so glad you’re alive...” She sniffled.  
Leon wiped his own face before looking back at everyone else.  
Ishimaru was standing close to the front of the bed. His face was red and blotchy. He was sobbing, yet no tears were coming out. He must have been crying for a while to reach that point. He had never seen Taka so...vulnerable looking. He was almost folding in on himself. Mondo stood near him, looking down. Leon couldn’t tell if he was crying. His arm was wrapped around Chihiro, who was wiping his face that was covered in tears. He hiccuped softly, obviously shaken by the entire event.  
Celeste and Hifumi were sitting in the back. Hifumi looked uncomfortable, while Celeste looked unbothered.   
Byakuya was laying up against the wall, his arms folded. It looked like he really didn’t want to be there. Toko stood close to him, her hands nervously fidgeting around.  
Kyoko, Makoto, and Yasuhiro were aligned at one side of the bed. Kyoko seemed to be lost in thought.  
Asahina and Sakura stood close to each other. Asahina was softly crying, gripping onto Sakura’s hand.  
Junko and Mukuro also watched from the wall. A fake, saddened expression loomed on Junko’s face, while Mukuro looked...genuinely concerned.

After a few minutes of melancholy silence, Mondo spoke up. His voice was shaky.  
“What the hell were you thinking...?”

“I...”   
Leon thought for a moment. What was he thinking? He couldn’t say. What goes through his mind on a daily basis was something Leon had never even considered opening up about.  
“I dunno, man...I just...” He couldn’t admit it. He couldn’t admit his weaknesses. Not in front of all of them.  
But it looked like he had to.  
“I just couldn’t do it anymore.”  
Leon’s voice cracked, causing him to cry again. He felt so weak. He felt so vulnerable. He never imagined everyone getting to see him like this.  
Everyone knew his dirty little secret.  
Leon Kuwata, the Ultimate Baseball Star, was a depressed, suicidal mess.

Kiyotaka spoke up next, his voice sounding absolutely broken.  
“I-I am so sorry for not noticing i-in time.” 

Leon felt a tinge of guilt. Was Taka blaming himself?

“Ishi...please, don’t blame yourself. None of you could have known...” Leon softly said.

“I sh-should have recognized the signs earlier and done something a-about it.” He hiccuped.

“Bro, please...” Mondo wrapped his other arm around Ishimaru.

Leons decision...it really had messed everyone up, didn’t it? He caused all of this. And if he had died...how much worse would it have been? Leon felt guilty. So, so very guilty.

“I’m...I’m really sorry. I’ve fucked everything up, haven’t I...?” Leon spoke, his tears still not stopping.

Before anyone could object, Byakuya interrupted.  
“That is a lie, Kuwata. You are definitely not sorry.”

Everyone looked over at Byakuya like he was the scum of the earth.

“You heard me. Leon is not sorry for what he did. He’s just regretful that he wasn’t able to successfully die, and is now facing the consequences for making such a stupid decision.” Byakuya sneered. “If he was sorry, he wouldn’t have done it in the first place.”

“Byakuya, now is not the time to start your stupid egotistical bullcrap!” Hina snapped. “Leon is going through enough already, you don’t need to add on to his stress!”

“Don’t pity him, Asahina. It was foolish and selfish of him to do what he did.”

“Enough. Arguing will get us nowhere.” Kyoko crossed her arms.

Makoto nodded. “The best we can do right now is help our friend during this hard time. Arguing is probably just gonna make him feel worse and put us all in a bad spot.”

Chihiro spoke softly. “I think this entire situation should prove that maybe we all need to be a little closer to each other...so we can understand each other a little better, and prevent incidents like this from ever happening again.

“I’m going to have to agree with that.” Celeste smirked. “Dealing with something like this would be nothing less of an inconvenience, yes?” 

“I wouldn’t call it an inconvenience,” Yasuhiro sighed. “but I think we should ‘prolly try and prevent stuff like this. For the sake of everyone.”

“That was surprisingly mature of you, Hiro!” Hina smiled. “But...what are we gonna do now? Does anyone know how long Leon’s gonna be in the hospital?”

“I’m assuming...probably a couple of days to a week.“ Kyoko estimated.

Leon laughed a little. “Eheheh, sounds boring. Man, they have me hooked up like I’m some sort of science experiment.” He looked at the IVs and wires connected to his arms.

“How...How are you able to joke around at a time like this?” Makoto questioned.

Leon sadly smiled at Makoto. “I’m real good at hiding how I feel with humor. It’s been like that for a while, actually.”

“How long has this been going on...?” Makoto asked, shocked. “How long have you been pretending, Leon?”

Leons expression quickly turned dark.  
“Since...middle school, I think.”

Shock pinged on the walls.  
“M-Middle school? Y-you really...you’ve really been suffering in silence this whole time?” Sayaka’s face seemed to well up with tears once more.

“Heh, yeah. I’ve gotten to be an expert at faking it ‘till I make it. Hell, they should probably call me the Ultimate Faker. It be a hell of a lot more accurate than the whole baseball thing...”

“We...we want to help you! You shouldn’t be alone..and you won’t be!” Chihiro said, determination filling his eyes. “I will...I will make sure you are okay whenever I can, Leon!”

“M-Me too...!” Toko spoke up. Byakuya raised an eyebrow.

“I-I’ve dealt with s-similar stuff in m-my life...S-so I know how it f-feels! A-and...even though you pr-probably only gave me a note to make f-fun of me...I-I want to h-help too!” 

Asahina chirped. “You can count me in, as well!”

Ishimaru’s powerful voice returned, filling the room. “I will also help on this journey to Leon’s self recovery!”

“Why the hell not? I’m in if you guys are.” Mondo smiled.

Sayaka stood up. “I’m in, too! I’ll stick with you, no matter what...! I’ll be your assistant, staying by your side!” 

One by one, they all agreed to help Leon through his recovery. They knew it would be slow, but...Class 78 was like family. They would all do anything to help family.

“It is getting late, yes? We’ve been here almost all day waiting for Leon to wake back up. We should probably all back to our dorm rooms.” Celeste spoke.

“I agree. We already had to miss all of our classes to day to deal with...this.” Byakuya rolled his eyes.

“Eheheh...sorry about that.” Leon scratched his head.

“Don’t worry about it, dude. But...I do think maybe we should get back to our dorms now...” Yasuhiro yawned.

“You guys can leave. I want to stay with Leon a little longer.” Sayaka told the rest of her class.

With that, the rest of class 78 left, leaving only Sayaka, Leon, and the sound of a heart monitor.  
They sat in silence for a few moments.  
Sayaka took a deep breath.  
“Leon, I want you to make me a promise.”  
Leon sadly chuckled. “I suck at those.”  
“Leon, this is serious...” Sayaka frowned.  
“Sorry, sorry. What is it?”  
“Promise me you’ll make it through this.” Sayaka felt tears pouring down her cheeks yet again.  
“Sayaka...I...” Leon knew he couldn’t truly promise that. He didn’t know if he could.  
“Leon...”   
“I-I promise...” he lied.  
“You sounded unsure...”   
“Heh, I was.”  
“Leon, I-I care about you too much to loose you! So please...please stay.” She whimpered.  
“I can’t promise anything, but I will try my damn hardest. Just for you. Okay?”  
Sayaka sniffled before tightly hugging Leon yet again.  
“O-Okay...”   
They stayed like that, holding each other close. Sayaka almost felt...a bit comforted by the warmth of his body. She thought she would never feel it again.   
“I-I really thought I was gonna lose you, Leon...”  
Leon gripped onto Sayaka tightly.  
“I know, I know...I’m really awful, aren’t I? I was really willing to leave you behind...”  
“You aren’t awful, Leon...” she sighed.  
“You’re just hurting.”  
Those words caused Leon to sob yet again.  
“You’ll make it through this Leon. That’s a promise I intend to keep.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do you think Leon plays fortnite?


	5. Ringing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leon is still in the hospital. Shocker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG PLS ENJOY—

Leon wasn’t expecting any visitors today. He actually wasn’t expecting any visitors at all. He had already burdened everyone enough with this situation, so why would they spend time out of their day just to see him?  
So, needless to say, he really wasn’t expecting Sayaka to walk in through his door at 10 AM.  
“Sayaka…? What’re you doing here?” Leon questioned, sitting up. A small smile crossed Sayaka’s lips.  
“To visit you, of course!” She chirped, her voice laced with positivity.  
Leon wondered why she would waste her saturday with him.  
“I don’t consider spending time with you a waste, y’know.” Sayaka pouted.  
“Eh?” Leon cocked a brow. “How’d you know…?”  
“I’m psychic, remember?” she giggled. “Kidding, kidding. I just have really good intuition.”  
Leon chuckled. “Yeah, how could I forget?”   
Sayaka sat on the bed next to Leon. “The whole school is worried about you, you know.”  
Oh God. “Th-The whole school?! Don’t tell me…”  
Sayaka sighed. “I’m not exactly sure how it got out, but when we returned home last night a lot of people were asking us how you were doing.”   
“God, how humiliating… I barely wanted you guys to know about what was going on, and now the whole ass school knows? Bullshit, dude…” Leon crossed his arms.  
Sayaka placed her hand on his shoulder. “It’s gonna be okay, Leon…”  
Those words, Leon had heard one thousand times before. Each time, it just meant the same thing to him.  
“Be a man, Leon.”  
“Don’t be such a pussy, Leon.”  
“You’ll be fine.”  
Somehow...when it came from Sayaka, it meant so much more. Why did it mean more when it came from her? What made her so special?  
“Leon?”   
Ah, shit. He must have zoned out. “..Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. It’ll be fine.” he smiled. It was only a half fake one. “Shit, man, it still kinda sucks that the whole school knows, though...I bet that bitch Junko had something to do with it.”   
Sayaka furrowed her brows. “Junko is still our friend, y’know…”   
“Yeah, yeah...she just really pushes my buttons sometimes, especially with that whole despair act she’s been dragging Mukuro along with recently.” Leon ran his fingers through his hair.  
“Maybe...she’s depressed too? You should talk to her.” Sayaka suggested.  
“Hell no! I can barely talk to you, let alone talk t-”  
Sayaka carried a hurt expression on her face.  
“...Maybe. Maybe I’ll talk to her. Don’t count on it, though.” He sighed.  
Sayaka’s expression brightened.

Leon and Sayaka sat there in silence for a while, enjoying each other’s presence.  
At one point, Sayaka gripped Leon’s hand. He didn’t seem to mind. Her hand was so soft and warm. It honestly comforted him. She comforted him. He could never understand why someone as talented and beautiful as her would ever waste her energy on someone as hopeless as him. Yet here she was. Sayaka Maizono, the Ultimate Pop Sensation, was right here with him. Leon had never worked a day in his life. He never practiced baseball, he was just...good at it. Sayaka, on the other hand, worked her ass off everyday to get where she is. So how come she’s wasting all of that by being here with him? He was sure some of his horrible-ness would rub off on her.

“So...here’s what I don’t understand,” Sayaka spoke. “Why did you feel like you needed to hide how you felt from us?”  
That was...a good question. “I dunno, Sayaka. It’s just all apart of the mindset. I just didn’t wanna burden you guys, y’know? No matter how much you guys try and tell me otherwise I honestly can’t see myself as anything less than, like, a pest or somethin’.”   
Sayaka took a deep breath.   
“I understand. It’s okay. I’ll do my best to make sure you never feel like that again, okay?”   
Leon didn’t have the heart to tell her it was impossible.  
Sayaka spoke again. “It’s honestly a little weird seeing you like this. You’re supposed to be the little egotistical jerk that only cares about getting the ladies. I guess people are a bit more complicated than that, though. I guess...I guess you’re a little more complicated than that.”  
Complicated. That was certainly a word to describe it. She was right. The entire persona he built up completely contradicted his true self. Leon wasn’t some hot-headed athlete with his head up his ass. (Okay, maybe he was just a little.) He was...insecure. Weak. Fragile. A pussy, as his dad or his coach would say. 

“I guess I am, huh?”

~~~~~~

Sayaka had left hours ago. After all, she couldn’t stay all day, as much as she wanted to. The rest of the night was incredibly boring without her there. It must have been at least 10 PM, and he just couldn’t sleep, as much as he wanted to. His hospital room was dark, only being illuminated by the full moon shining through his window.   
He finally thought maybe he could drift to sleep, his storm of thoughts finally calming…  
That is, until he saw the blood.  
When he noticed it, he sat up in his hospital bed.  
No, that couldn’t be blood, right? How long had that been there?   
It was definitely blood, Leon knew the sight all too well. Without a doubt, that was a trail of blood leading to the bathroom.   
Leon quickly shot out of bed, causing pain to shoot up his body.   
“Shit…” he mumbled.  
Leon slowly tip toed his way over to the blood. It gave off strong coppery smell. His eyes wandered to the bathroom door. A pool of blood seemed to have form right below the door.  
Was somebody in there? Was everything okay?  
He didn’t understand. He didn’t see anyone go in there, and didn’t see any blood there earlier, and it was kind of hard to miss.  
His hand shakily moved towards the doorknob, not ready for whatever horror awaited him on the other side of the door.  
The door opened with a high squeal. The bathroom was dark. Too dark to see.  
He flipped on the light switch.

Leon almost vomited.  
What he saw was unfathomable. It couldn’t be real. There’s absolutely no way it could be real. So why did it feel like the body of Sayaka was right there, slumped up against the bathroom wall?   
He felt dizzy and the world seemed to spin.  
“S-Sayaka…!”  
He fell to his knees, forcing his eyes closed, hoping it would just go away as tears fell down his face. He felt so sick, so so so so so so sick...

And when he opened his eyes, it was gone.  
The blood, the body, the smell…  
It was all gone. All that was left in the bathroom was a crying baseball star.  
“Sayaka…?” He called out.  
Where was she? Was she safe? All he could think about was what he just saw.   
He found himself repeating her name over and over and over again.  
He felt his nails dig into his arms as he hugged himself tightly as tears continued to drip like a leaky faucet.  
He began to feel around the bathroom for any sign of Sayaka, but, no, she was gone without a trace. He needed to find her. He needed to make sure she was okay.  
Sayaka, Sayaka, Sayaka…  
He went back to grab his phone, the phone shaking in his hands as he clicked on her contact.  
Ring, ring, ring…  
Ring, ring, ring…  
Ring, ring, ring…  
“Hello, you’ve reached Sayaka Maizono! I’m currently not available, but I’ll try to get back to you as soon as I can! Please leave a message.”  
Beep.  
He tried again.  
Ring, ring, ring…  
Ring, ring, ring…  
Ring, ring, ring…  
“Hello, you’ve reached Sa-“  
He hung up with a frustrated groan.

He had to get to her. He just had to.  
His eyes darted over to the window.

 

~~~~~

Sayaka woke up to the sound of a desperate banging on her door. Her eyes darted over to the clock.  
12:28 AM.  
Who the hell was at her door at 12:28 AM?  
The knocking got more frantic.  
“I’m coming!” She groaned, hoping out of bed and wobbling to the door.   
She was snapped out of her drowsy state when she saw Leon standing in front of her, his eyes filled with tears.  
“L-Leon…?! What are you doing here?! You should be in the hospital!” Sayaka gasped.  
“I-I had to come, Sayaka, I had t-to…” he sobbed.  
Sayaka quickly pulled in Leon for a hug as he clung to her.  
“Y-You were d-dead, I saw you dead-!!” He hiccuped, holding onto her.  
“Shhhh, it’s okay, it’s okay…” She ran her fingers through his hair, doing her best to calm him. “It’s over now.”  
The hospital was 30 minutes away. How did Leon get here…?  
“It’s a little too late to go back to the hospital...you can sleep in my room and we can go back tomorrow, okay?” Sayaka whispered.  
“O-okay.”

Leon fell asleep calmly next to Sayaka, his fears melting away. She was safe. Leon wondered if he would ever be able to leave her side again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters from v3 and v2 will be showing up next chapter!! Who do you wanna see?


End file.
